I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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