Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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