you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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