as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
