Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
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I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
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But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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