im drinking this country out of the recession.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
