the day after is always just damage control
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
