So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize