he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
