finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You don't make any sense
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