I got chris browned last night
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
