I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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