my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
