This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
