Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
