How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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