Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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