please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
