im having a threesome with these popsicles
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
