I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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