she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
