hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
