Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
