I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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