i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
