Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
and i looked up. we had an audience...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
