I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
