you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
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I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
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Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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