I puked a lego.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
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Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
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I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction