She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.