She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.