Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
