it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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