I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
