I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
