I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
meet me or not, i'm out of control
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
