i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
