i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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