Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize