Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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