I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
