did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
