Plan B is the new Plan A
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
