the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
