And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
