Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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