you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
