if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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