i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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