I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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