Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
