dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
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i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
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eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize