You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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