It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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