No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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