Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
