I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
