tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
