Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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