I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
