If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
