Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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