Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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