Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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