i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
