So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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