:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
