Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Let's get the cat blown out
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
