If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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