you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize