Only a mothe r could love this liver
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
