i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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