think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
