He is such a slut. More and more my type.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
