why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
All I want is dick and wine.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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