wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
