shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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